Killing her on the inside
by natzbadfairy
Summary: Kate's struggling to come to terms with a situation thats left her phyisically weaker and broken inside. Kate thinks that she's on her own when Gibbs steps in and helps. Sucky summery : please read and review ; rated for later chapters
1. Strength

Kate stood at the back of the office and worked up the courage to step forward into the bullpen. Tony and McGee were waiting for her, knowing that this was hard for her and that she needed every ounce of support that she could get. Her hands were trembling and her body felt like it was doing somersaults on the inside. Gibbs stood up as he realised that Tony and Mc Gee were watching something and his face broke out into a smile when he saw her.

'Welcome back,' she relaxed slightly, going forward and putting her bag on her desk.

'So, what we on?' Tony picked up the remote and flicked the picture up.

'Gunnery Sergeant Tom Fords was found in his apartment last night by his brother Gunnery Sergeant Joseph Fords. Both are just back from a tour in Iraq. Joseph came into the apartment around eleven thirty and found him tied to the bed, shot in the head and in the chest three times. He was supposed to meet his fiancé, a Carla Yelsof last night at a bar and when he never showed she called Joseph,'

'Why call the brother? Why not him?'

'She says that she tried him and couldn't get through,'

'You pulled his phone records?'

'Yeah Kate, Here,' Kate smiled at Mc Gee, taking the sheets out of his hands.

'Thanks,' she scanned over the sheets.

'What's the Gunny's number?'

'Top one,' Kate copied it in her head and looked through them.

'She's called another number nearly forty times in the last two weeks and her fiancé only twice. That's not right,' Kate took the folder out of Tony's hand and shifted through the pages.

'She called his brother more than him. You seeing a pattern?'

'What?'

'When Tom Fords never showed up she called Joseph first. If you were genuinely worried about someone and the fact that they hadn't shown up you would call them, not their brother,' Gibbs sat silent the entire time, seeing Kate at her best and working like she had never been away or that anything had happened.

'Gibbs we need to bring the two of them in. put them in separate rooms and play them off against each other,' Gibbs smiled and stood up, lifting his gun and badge.

'McGee you go with Di Nozzo and bring her in. Kate, your with me,' Kate felt like she was back with NCIS properly when Gibbs spun the car round suddenly and forced her up against the car door. She winced slightly, the pain in her side slicing through her. Gibbs noticed and instantly slowed his driving down, Kate looking at him.

'What's wrong? You only drive slow when something's wrong,'

'Nothing, no point going fast when the traffic's bad and we'll end up stuck in it anyway,' Kate looked down the road, the road clear.

'Gibbs's there's nothing there,' he didn't take his eyes off the road, simply keeping the speed slow. She sighed heavily as she realised it was because she was in the car with him and nothing else. She never even saw him coming round the side of the car and it was only when he took her hand to help her out of the car she realised he was there.

'Thanks,' Kate tightened the red jacket around her waist, Gibbs rattling the door. Kate looked around, Tony and McGee pulling up behind the car.

'Gibbs,' she tapped his arm lightly, pointing to them.

'The brother's here, with her,' the door opened, Kate smirking.

'Carla Yelsof?'

'Who wants to know?'

'NCIS. I'm Agent Todd, this is special Agent Gibbs. We need you to come with us. We have a few questions that we would like to ask you concerning Gunnery Sergeant Tom Fords death,'

'Why? I told you everything when I spoke to…Dinatzo…Dinolo…something like that, this morning,'

'Well, I'm not him and I have questions that I want to ask you. If you wouldn't mind removing Joseph Fords shirt and putting your own clothes on and coming with me I would really appreciate it,'

'How did you know Joseph was here?'

'The fact we were looking for him too and the agents we sent to get him are now here. If you don't mind…I would like to get back to the office before the day is out,' Gibbs suppressed the smile that was inside, the tone of Kate sounding more like a female version of him. Kate followed her into the house, McGee going in behind her.

'How is she boss?' Gibbs looked at Tony

'Different…but a good different. She seems to be more forward. She's not afraid of saying what she thinks,' Tony nodded.

'That's good,'

'Yeah. Go and get him out the bed Di Nozzo, make sure McGee doesn't arrest the dog,' Tony took the stairs two at a time, Kate standing at the bathroom door watching Carla dressing.

'Can I not have five minutes?'

'Nope, you may conceal a weapon and it saves us having to search you outside,'

'Am I under arrest?'

'KATE!' Kate pulled her gun out and ran along to the end bedroom. Tony stood at the door and looked around to the other corners of the room. Kate stopped behind Tony, Joseph Ford lying dead on the bed.

'Gibbs isn't going to like this,'


	2. If only

Gibbs took a drink of his coffee and stood watching as Jimmy lifted the gurney into the back of the van.

'I DIDN'T KILL HIM! I CAME TO ANSWER THE DOOR…I NEVER TOUCHED HIM,' Gibbs blocked out what she was saying and went back into the house.

'What we got Kate?'

'GSW to the head and a 9mm hole in the bed. Arterial blood splatter on the wall and blood soaking through the bed,'

'Bullet?'

'Still looking. There's a GSW hole on the pillowslip and GSR around it. She tried to silence the gun through a pillow,' Gibbs kneeled down beside the bed and lifted the sheets away from the edge revealing the underside of the bed. He flashed the torch light underneath.

'McGee, get me an evidence Jar,' Mc Gee scurried around in the back ground and lifted over his case.

'I asked for a jar McGee not your entire case,'

'Sorry Boss,'

'Don't apologise, it's a sign of weakness,' McGee was silenced, Gibbs prizing the bullet out of the wooden floorboards.

'Get that back to Abby, try and find out what gun we're looking for,' Gibbs stood up from the side of the bed and followed where Kate had disappeared to. There was smashed glass all over the bathroom floor, blood on the cut glass in the window.

'I think she was telling the truth Gibbs, I don't think that she murdered him. There's a smashed window and there's no gun in the surrounding crime scene or house. We would have found the gun if she had thrown it out of the window. I really think she didn't do it,' Gibbs looked at the window.

'She's a woman Kate, they can be more sneaky than what you would think,'

'Sneaky? You just called women sneaky?'

'What? She could have disposed the gun and when we came to the house she was half naked. Where are her clothes?' Kate pointed to the bedroom floor.

'Gibbs, after you have sex you don't shoot the person in the head,'

'What makes you so sure that they were having sex and that she didn't just dispose of her bloody clothes?'

'Because he has nail marks at the top of his back and huge love mark on his neck…plus the bed sheets have evidence of recent sexual activity on them,'

'Could have been bad sex,'

'You don't shoot someone if they give you bad sex Gibbs…god knows I should know,' Gibbs smiled.

'McGee, get samples of the blood. Kate, photograph everything and make sure Di Nozzo does the crime scene sketches,'

'Ok,' Gibbs was watching her, checking that she was ok to work, that she wasn't struggling with anything. McGee was the one who was struggling, every piece of evidence he had to collect taking him twice as long as what it usually would.

'Tim?'

'Kate,'

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing…nothing why? Why would something be wrong?'

'Your taking forever to finish the scene and your struggling with what you would usually find easy,'

'I just…Kate, it's fine, I am fine,'

'Tim,'

'Look I am fine and I don't need anyone helping me with this,'

'McGee,'

'I'm worried about you,' Kate looked at McGee.

'Me? Your worried about me?'

'Yes, your different, even Tony's noticed,'

'McGee, I'm fine and I wouldn't be back at work if I wasn't,'

'Promise?' Kate kissed the side of Tim's face

'I promise,' Mc Gee instantly perked up and everything he did became the way he usually did it, the speed he was collecting the evidence at faster. Kate turned away, closing her eyes.

'If only,'


	3. Not One Thing

Gibbs had been watching her all day and had saw the moments where she turned away and showed how she really felt on her face.

'Kate,' Kate stood up and followed Gibbs down to Ducky's lab.

'Jethro, Caitlin,'

'Can you give us a minute duck?'

'Of course Jethro,' Kate watched Ducky leaving before turning her gaze back to Gibbs.

'What is it?'

'You don't seem right Kate,' Kate looked questioningly at Gibbs.

'I don't understand,'

'Your not the same as what you used to be. Your quiet. You're turning away and showing the pain on your face. I don't want to see that, I don't want you to be in pain,'

'Gibbs,'

'Kate, you can tell me,'

'Tell you what? That I struggle to get out of bed in the morning because I can't put any weight on my leg? That every time I try to go running the muscle on my leg contracts and I can barely walk never mind run. I don't see why everyone else should be back to normal and not have this shit,' Kate pointed to her leg, her head falling. She covered her face with her eyes.

'It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to bounce back. That's what they said would happen. Once the wound has healed you'll just bounce back…look at me…I can't do this,' Gibbs stood up off the table and put his arms on Kate's arms. She started hitting him, the first thing coming to Gibbs's head being the bathroom talk they had had before. But this was different. This was her own pain and she was letting it go on him. Her punches were hard and he knew that he would regret letting her do this later but at the same time her knew that she was letting everything fall away. She started to weaken, Gibbs gently holding her until she could barely slap him.

'Things will get better Kate,'

'You don't know that,'

'Yes I do Kate, I promise you things will get better,'

Kate wiped her face and lifted her bag and jacket way from her desk. Gibbs geared up, Tony and McGee looking at them.

'Di'Nozzo, call me once Abby gets the results back,'

'Yes Boss,' Kate was glad to be in the elevator, away from the eyes of Tony and Tim, glad that she was able to hide for a while longer.

'You ok?'

'Yeah Gibbs, I just want to get out of here,'

'You don't seem ok,'

'I am, trust me,' Gibbs was unsure but didn't say anything more, knowing that she would talk to him in her own time when she was ready. He half expected her to want to talk to him in the car but she didn't even make eye contact.

'I don't want to go home…not yet,' Gibbs did a u-turn in the middle of the road, taking Kate to a house that she didn't recognise. She simply followed Gibbs into the house, realising where she was. He had brought her to somewhere that she would be safe, away from everything else and free to do what she wanted. At first she didn't know what to think when she saw the boat, the idea that Gibbs had spent hours down here surprising her. Then she saw the reason why. This was where he came to think, where he stopped the outside world from reaching him.

'How the hell do you plan on getting it out of here?' Kate took the stairs down to the basement one by one, Gibbs coming away from the structure to take her hand as she reached the bottom stair.

'There's a bottle of bourbon over there,' Kate took a sip straight out the bottle, Gibbs waiting for the grimace to appear on her face.

'Tobias couldn't drink it,' Kate smiled

'I've been a bourbon drinker all my life,' Kate sat on the plank of wood in front of Gibbs, leaning back and watching him work.

'When I was in the warehouse…what were you thinking?'

'That I didn't stand a chance of getting you back,' Kate sat up, Gibbs keeping his gaze focused to the wood. She took hold of the hand that was pushing down on the wood, taking it in hers.

'Thank you…for keeping looking. You may have thought that I was gone but you didn't give up and that means a lot,'

'I didn't have a choice. I had to get you back…no matter what had happened,'

'It means a lot Gibbs…and now your,'

'Now I'm what?'

'Getting me back on my feet,' Gibbs smirked, Kate kissing the palm of his hand. Gibbs dropped the block of wood, his hand gently cupping Kate's chin. She stood up sharply, kissing him back with the same intensity as he was kissing her. She leaned her forehead against his.

'Kate…I…'

'Gibbs, shut up,' Kate leaned in, kissing him gently.

'Kate,' she silenced him again with her lips on his. Clothes were soon being peeled away from bodies and hands were exploring newly exposed skin. A sense of urgency hit them both, the need to be next to each other coming over them. Kate stopped at the bottom of the stairs, Gibbs lifting he up and carrying her up the stairs, Kate wrapping her legs around his waist. Nothing was stopping them now…not one thing.


	4. Sleeping

Gibbs had been watching her sleep, how the shadows on her face changed over the hours. He expected her to be peaceful, for her to be able to forget everything that had happened to her lately and just be free of it. He didn't expect the nightmares, the rapid breathing, and the thrashing of her limbs in the bed. Waking her up wasn't an option. He knew if he did he could cause he even more pain. Letting her ride it out was the best option. 

Kate slid down the wall of the warehouse, knowing that in three hours and fifty-six minutes she would be dead. Not only was the nerve gas taking effect and her body slowly becoming useless, the place would explode. She had known that today was not her day, that she should have called in sick but no sooner had she woken up to get to the phone, Gibbs was calling telling her of a new case and that she was needed in the office. The feeling didn't change, and when she had left the office to follow the suspect, she had no idea that she would end up locked in a warehouse, with three corpses around her and nerve gas being pumped into the room and a bomb slowly ticking down. Her cell was gone, her car destroyed, her whole body searched. She knew this was the end of everything. She had no idea where the bomb was, the only hint that there actually was one was the projected picture up on the wall. The seconds were ticking down and with each minute, another part of Kate disappeared. In her head she had said goodbye to everyone, letting them know that she was thinking about them, that she loved them. One hour, that was all she had left but she had no strength in her legs and arms, her body barely able to hold itself up against a wall. Thirty minutes, her legs were completely numb and the air was thinker than she could ever remembered it being. The back door opened and Kate lifted her head up, the sight of the gun causing her to laugh.

'_This should be good. Not only are you gassing me, your going to shoot me and then blow me up…talk about over kill,' Kate jumped slightly but still couldn't see anything. Her leg was bleeding but she felt no pain. She couldn't feel any pain. _

'_What? Is that to make my day that little bit better? So that now not only will I be gassed, blown up and now shot that I will probably bleed to death. You really know how to make a girl feel good,' the bullets were shot all around her head, Kate still not flinching. She closed her eyes as she waited for the next bullet but other guns started going off, Kate curling her body up on the floor. Shouting and screaming filled the place but the one thing that she noticed was the change in the air. It lightened and she could feel the cold air on her face. She didn't even need to open her eyes as she was lifted out the warehouse, knowing full well that it was Gibbs that was carrying her. Gibbs placed her down on the ground when she was outside, Kate throwing up everywhere. His hand held her head to the side, her hair being brushed back with his other hand._

'_GET THE EMT'S OVER HERE,' Kate rolled onto her back, the feeling of pain still not in her body._

'_There's other people in there,'_

'_We'll find them…just lie still,' Kate rolled back onto her side, being sick again. The cold metal was hitting her face as it swung back and forward, Kate looking to see Gibbs's hand next to her face and the metal was in fact his silver bracelet. Questions were asked to her but she couldn't respond, her body too focused on replacing the air that she needed and that she had lost. Gibbs smiled, Kate swatting away the hands of the EMT'S as they started to un button her shirt._

'_Not in front of my boss…I have a really bad bra on…really lacy one…not in front of him,' Kate was lifted onto the gurney; passing out before she even reached the ambulance. _

But Kate's dream never got that far. She was in the warehouse but she had seconds to get out and every time she tried to move, she couldn't, she struggled to. In the end she just lies there and watches as he puts various bullets into her, each one not hurting but causing her to loose even more blood that she needs, the thing that's keeping her alive. 

Kate sat bolt upright, her eyes darting around the room. She took seconds to realise where she was and that she needed to relax but her heart was pounding against her chest, Kate struggling to breath. Gibbs sat beside her, Kate looking at him and finding that she was easing up, that she was starting to breath normally by just looking at him. She slipped out the bed, lifting his shirt off the floor and finding her discarded underwear from the night before. 

'Where are you going?'

'I need coffee,' Kate had to take each step slowly, unlike the night in the warehouse she could feel everything and the pain was bad. Gibbs came up behind her on the stairs, taking her weight and lifting her down the stairs. She smiled at the touch of his hands on her skin, the feeling giving her a shiver down her spine. She took hold of the banister as he placed her feet back down on the ground, Kate steadying herself before she walked into the kitchen.

'You wanting c-' Kate turned to face Gibbs, Gibbs right behind her. 

'You, sit. I'll make coffee,' Kate nodded once, not needing any encouragement. She watched him, knowing if he had to he would be able to do it with his eyes shut. She watched him watching her over the rim of the mug, the smile on her face seeming to be fixed permanently. She was the first of them to move down to the basement, Gibbs following her. She held onto the banister, Gibbs not having to help her. Her toes curled in with the coldness of the concrete floor. She sat on the same piece of the wood that she had the night before, sanding down the side of the arc of wood. Gibbs lifted the tiny tub and started covering the few nails that he had put in, putting a putty onto the heads of them to blend them into the wood. Kate was watching but this time, he wasn't watching her. She could see his jaw clenching and un clenching, Kate wrapping her legs around his leg and pulling him over gently. She took the tiny tub out his hands, discarding it with the few items of clothing that he had on. 


End file.
